Radio Faux Show Volume 1, Number 34 (October 24, 2021): Halloween

Radio Faux Show Volume 1, Number 34 (October 24, 2021): Halloween

This Week’s Theme: Halloween

This week’s show is all about Halloween. Trick or treat.

Welcome to Radio Faux Show number thirty-four.

First things first – click a link to start listening and then come back to read about this week’s songs.


Amazon Music


Historically speaking, the Christian feast of All Hallow’s Day is a holiday dedicated to the remembrance of saints, martyrs, and all other dearly departed. The holiday may have begun as a pagan holiday, but many historians have determined it is a Christian holiday. Halloween is a contraction of All Hallow’s Evening, and occurs the night of All Hallow’s Day. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…sometimes history is boring. Everyone from the age of 3 to 93 knows that Halloween is a holiday with two main purposes: trick or treating by children and partying by adults. Getting dressed up in order to get your hands on candy or alcohol has made Halloween the second most popular holiday in America. Trick or treat!

Get candy, get candy, get candy, get candy

Halloween isn’t just about candy and partying. It is also about deceit, distraction, and theft.

Halloween Song Selections

John Carpenter “Halloween Theme”

Japan “Halloween”

Lou Reed “Halloween Parade”

First of October “Thirty First of October”


Vampires have been one of the most popular themes of folklore, books, film, television, and music for hundreds of years. Everyone knows the basics – blood-sucking, flying around as bats, stake through the heart kills them. If vampires were real, I’m not sure they would be as scary as they have been made out to be. From what I know, they can’t come out during the day. That’s easy enough to deal with – get your stuff done during the day and stay in at night. Vampires can’t come in your house if they aren’t invited in, so don’t invite them in. Having lived through the pandemic for almost two years, we’ve all learned one thing for sure – you can live just fine without leaving your house if you have food and supplies delivered and do all of your shopping online. And if all of this isn’t enough to make you feel safe, just remember that vampires can be warded off by garlic.

Keep those vampires away with an easy to grow solution!

The scariest of all vampires is the energy vampire. They are not harmed by the sun and can therefore walk amongst us and even work in an office. Be aware – energy vampires are everywhere!

Vampire Song Selections

Marcy Playground “Vampires of New York”

Jonathan Richman “Vampire Girl”


Witches have been given a bad name for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. If you ask me, we need witches now more than ever before. At its core, witchcraft is the ability to bend the rules of the natural world. If humankind is going to survive the climate change that we have created, it seems that witchcraft may be the best solution. I’ve also seen enough Harry Potter films to know that witches can heal people. I’m not sure if witchcraft can cure illnesses such as cancer, but I bet if you get enough witches working together they could probably come up with some cures for Covid and other horrible viruses and diseases. If nothing else, it seems that the world could use some witches just to curse idiots who refuse to accept those who are different than themselves.

The world is focused on reducing our carbon footprint, and one great way to do this is with public transportation. I bet more people would go public if witchcraft was involved.

If you ever need to know if someone is a witch, science can be used to make that determination.

Witch Song Selections

Big Dipper “Meet the Witch”

Rush “Witch Hunt”

The Sonics “The Witch”


Werewolves are really scary, but the fact that they only come out once a month or so makes them pretty easy to deal with. If we were to ever have an actual werewolf crisis in the world, I am sure that we would adapt to the problem with some simple solutions. I would hope that all nations would join together to create an international werewolf registry to allow werewolves to seek safe harbor during full moons. With a little bit of engineering, I’m sure we can keep werewolves safe and comfortable once a month. With some simple structures, we could let them ride out the day away from harm and away from non-werewolf humans so that everyone can live peacefully. We have to remember that being a werewolf is a curse that no one asks for. Anyone who is a werewolf most likely hates the impact it has on their life and would rather not have to deal with it. With just a little empathy and sympathy, I think a werewolf crisis can be managed without ever having to shoot one with a silver bullet.

If we all look to the benefits of lycanthropism, the world can be a better place.

One of the most famous werewolves of all time was responsible for the early success of rock and roll.

Werewolf Song Selections

Brandi Carlile “Mama Werewolf”

Jeff Richmond and Tracy Morgan “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah”

Warren Zevon “Werewolves of London”

Ghosts, Creeps, and Spooky Stuff

I don’t believe in ghosts. If they were out there we would have proof by now. I can understand how Sasquatch could hide from us out there in the vast wilderness of the Pacific Northwest, and the Loch Ness Monster can hide in the depths of the lake, but ghost sightings are made all over the place, right in the middle of where we all live. If they are that close, we’d have some evidence by now – ectoplasm, photos, videos, something more than the ludicrously unbelievable footage shown on all of those ghost hunter shows. I was once watching a ghost hunter show and they spent ten minutes listening to some weird noises coming from inside the house before someone said out loud “that’s Jerry – he’s setting up cameras for a shoot in the other room.” Give me a break.

Finally, incontrovertible proof of the existence of ghosts

If ghosts actually existed, we would all have a story about something like this happening to us or our loved ones.

Spooky Song Selections

Butthole Surfers “Creep in the Cellar”

Classics IV “Spooky”

Gentle Giant “Spooky Boogie”

John Lennon “Scared”

The Specials “Ghost Town”

Frankenstein and other Monsters

Monsters are the most misunderstood of all of nature’s creatures. Just because something looks scary doesn’t mean that it is. At their core, most monsters are simply looking for acceptance among those who fear them. Frankenstein’s monster just wanted companionship, Godzilla just needed some space to clear his head, and both King Kong and the Creature from the Black Lagoon were just looking for love. Remember, monsters are just as scared of you as you are of them.

The scariest monster out there – hide your cookies!

Frankenstein’s monster does not like fire, so if you ever reanimate a dead body, and forget to blow out the candles, be sure you have some sedagive handy.

Monster Song Selections

David Bowie “Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps)”

The Edgar Winter Group “Frankenstein”

Men At Work “Dr. Heckyll and Mr. Jive”

The New York Dolls “Frankenstein”


Let’s get serious now. Vampires, werewolves, monsters, ghosts – they are just stories we tell to scare ourselves. Zombies, though, I mean, come on. They are scary as hell and we all know they are out there. And don’t believe that Night of the Living Dead zombie propaganda. Zombies are not slow and dimwitted. Zombies are fast, smart, and will kill you before you know what has happened. So what are you gonna do when the zombie apocalypse starts? Board up your windows? Good luck. They’ll break through that easy. Hit them in the head with a baseball bat or golf club? You’ve got to be kidding. Have you ever tried to swing a bat at a swarm of people coming at you full speed without hitting arms and torsos? One miss and you’re done. You can try driving through them in a car, but most likely you’ll lose control and as soon as you aren’t moving they will flip your car over. I wish I knew the answer, but I think the best you can hope for is that there are enough other people around you that you somehow make it past the living dead while they are feasting on everyone else.

If you’re ever attacked by zombies, be sure to get the hell out of there before the dance break ends.

Life can be pretty repetitive – same old, same old – day in, day out. If you ever feel like you’re stuck in a rut, a good old zombie apocalypse may be just what you need to get you out of your funk.

Zombie Song Selections

Bob’s Burgers Cast “I Love You So Much (It’s Scary)”

Michael Jackson (with Vincent Price) “Thriller”

Demons, Death, and The Devil

Every living thing dies eventually. That is the way of life. And no matter what belief system you subscribe to, there is no way to know what comes after death. One thing is for sure though – the last thing you want to see after you die are demons and the devil. If you end up hanging around with demons and the devil after you die, you probably should have made some better choices while you were living. Since you are reading this, I am going to assume you are alive (unless you are a literate zombie) and therefore it is not too late for you. So if you think that there may be a dinner party with some demons in your future, please take a breath, think about your life choices, and try to make amends.

Always ask whether the salmon is fresh or canned.

Lucifer isn’t such a bad guy. He’s actually quite charming, witty, and very good looking.

Demons, Death, and the Devil Song Selections

Black Sabbath “Black Sabbath”

Blue Oyster Cult “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper”

Alice Cooper (with Vincent Price) “Devil’s Town”

The Soundtrack Orchestra “Tubular Bells (Theme from The Exorcist)”

Robert Walsh “Telltale Heart (by Edgar Allen Poe)”

Thanks for listening (and reading)!

TrackArtistSong Title
1Midnight in Graveyard with Clock ChimeSounds of Horror
2Black SabbathBlack Sabbath
3RushWitch Hunt
4John CarpenterHalloween Theme
5David BowieScary Monsters (and Super Creeps)
6John LennonScared
7Jeff Richmond and Tracy MorganWerewolf Bar Mitzvah
8Warren ZevonWerewolves of London
9Classics IVSpooky
10Gentle GiantSpooky Boogie
11The SpecialsGhost Town
12Alice Cooper (with Vincent Price)Devil’s Town
13Michael Jackson (with Vincent Price)Thriller
14Bob’s Burgers CastI Love You So Much (It’s Scary)
15First of OctoberThirty First of October
16Big DipperMeet the Witch
17Lou ReedHalloween Parade
18Jonathan RichmanVampire Girl
19Brandi CarlileMama Werewolf
20Marcy PlaygroundThe Vampires of New York
21The Soundtrack OrchestraTubular Bells (Theme from The Exorcist)
22Butthole SurfersCreep in the Cellar
23The Edgar Winter GroupFrankenstein
24New York DollsFrankenstein
25The SonicsThe Witch
26Men at WorkDr. Heckyll and Mr. Jive
28Blue Oyster Cult(Don’t Fear) The Reaper
29Robert WalshTelltale Heart (by Edgar Allen Poe)

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